Sometimes, in order to process what has happened, you have to come to terms with and acknowledge your loss. If you try to pretend it never happened, you may be left with deep regrets in the future. We respect your right to make your own decisions but also offer the following thoughts and suggestions from our own experiences and those of other families who have lost their babies.
If you have not already selected a name for your baby, it may help you to choose a name to give your son or daughter. Your baby is a real person and a part of your family. It may feel easier to include and acknowledge your baby with your family and friends if you can call them by their name. You may choose the name you thought you would use before you found out your baby died, or you may choose another name altogether. The decision is up to you and your partner.
Studies have shown that parents who are able to see and hold their baby are potentially able to begin their grieving process sooner than those who do not. It helps parents to realise that their baby was a real person.
In previous generations, parents were rarely given a choice and were discouraged from holding and seeing their babies. The babies were taken away by well-meaning medical staff who thought it would do the mother more harm than good to see the baby. Thankfully today, times have changed and most people who have a baby die value the precious time they were able to spend holding their baby.
Facing death when you should be welcoming a new life is tragic and heartbreaking. You may also be afraid of seeing your baby and scared of being overwhelmed by your emotions when you hold your baby for the first time. Both of these reactions are understandable and normal. These feelings are an important part of the experience of meeting your baby and the very beginning of the grieving and healing process.
It is also normal for parents to react and respond differently when losing a baby. One parent may choose to see and hold their baby, whilst the other may chose not to. This is also ok, and must be accepted by the other.
You may decide that you would like to take photos of or with your stillborn child so that you can always visually remember them. The hospital staff will take a photo of your baby and will keep it on file, should you decide at a later date that you would like to have a photo of your baby if you chose not to take any.
Candles of Hope offers a range of support services that respond to the evolving needs of the Israeli community. If you want to talk over the phone, by email or in person, you can share your story knowing that we will listen and respond with empathy and in confidence.Support Services